Slow Boat to China

Me (right) probably telling my sister (left) to take a slow boat to China.

Last night when I was practicing yoga (THAT IS REALLY WHAT I WAS DOING, I SWEAR TO GOD I’M NOT JUST NAMEDROPPING YOGA HERE) this memory popped into my head. It made me laugh, so I figure maybe it would make somebody else laugh too.

So anyway, when I was six (probably sometime in 1991 or 1992— for those of you that are like me and like to know the year in which an event took place so that you can visualize the appropriate clothing and hairstyles), my sister was four (think pigtails and OsKkosh for us both). My sister Kristyn could be a Ramona-esque pest sometimes (as little sisters are wont to be), and when she really started bugging me, I’d run to tell my grandma about it. It would go something like this:

Me: “GRANDMA!!! Kristyn is annoying me!”
Grandma: “Well, go tell her to take a slow boat to China.”

So anyway, somewhere around that time, there was a really big jackpot in the lottery, and my aunt bought a bunch of tickets (and probably every adult in my family too, on account of my family really enjoys playing the lottery). We were all in kitchen, preparing dinner, and/or munching on some pre-dinner cheese, and talking about the lottery. When I was six, I REALLY wanted to go to LA, because I was totally sure that if I walked down Hollywood Boulevard, singing “The Glory of Love” that I would be discovered in an instant, become a big star, and never, ever have to learn to multiply fractions (and also I REALLY wanted to meet Jason Priestley)…so anyway, I was all like, “LINN! (my aunt), IF YOU WIN THE LOTTERY WILL YOU TAKE ME TO LOS ANGELES???!!!”
And Linn was all, “Of course I will!”
And then Kristyn was all, “And if you win the lottery will you take ME on a slow boat to China??!!”

Then everyone gets really quiet, and my grandma was like, “No, Kristyn, see, you don’t really want that…” But Kristyn was not to be deterred. “No,” she insisted, “I WANT TO GO ON A SLOW BOAT TO CHINA!!!” It was her dream vacation, you see. All the while, I thought I was telling her to get lost, but what she heard, was, “Hey, Kristyn! Go take  luxury cruise to a super-cool country!”

So finally, the adults where all like, “OK, Kristyn, if we the lottery, you can go an a slow boat to China.” And she was super-stoked about it.


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