Ten Things I Don’t Believe, and Ten Things I Do

Disclaimer: All beliefs are subject to change, as all beliefs should be.

Disclaimer II: I WILL PROBABLY END LOTS OF SENTENCES WITH PREPOSITIONS.

Disclaimer III: My philosophy teachers would hate this. They would remind me that to believe in something, and to believe that something exists are two entirely different things. That’s true, they are, but if John Lennon chose not to differentiate, I’m going to assume that a precedent was set, and I can condense the two concepts for my lists too (Side note: In “God,” when when he sings, “I don’t believe in I-ching,” he pronounces “I-ching” like,  “eye-ching,” and when I was a kid, I misheard the lyric as “I don’t believe in hygiene.” I also thought the “jai guru deva,” in “Across the Universe,” was “Chattanooga DayGlo” until I was in my early twenties). ANYWAY…

Ten Things I Don’t Believe
(I am beginning with the negative, because I’ve heard that I should always go out on a positive note. I’ve also heard that I should always open on a positive note too, thus creating some sort of mood-shifting sandwich, with optimism on the outside, and crushing despair on the inside, so I am going to count the John Lennon reference as “opening on a positive note.” Everybody likes John Lennon, right?) ANYWAY, here’s all the shit I don’t believe:

1. That everything happens for a reason

2. In the Master Cleanse

3. In the blatant omission of commas, which seems to be all the rage these days

4. In voicemail

5. In soulmates

6. In lizard people

7. In dinosaurs (JUST KIDDING; I LOVE THOSE GUYS)

8. In proselytizing (NOT KIDDING; IT’S RUDE)

9. In Using the words “sex” and “gender” interchangeably

10. In public spitting (ALSO RUDE)

Ten Things That I Do Believe
1. That it’s up to us to create meaning, and to infuse our lives with purpose

2. In kindness

3. In practice

4. In shoes (Sorry, Yoga. I am probably undoing all your good work by Carrie Bradshawing my feet to death)

5. In discussing deep philosophical concepts, whilst talking like a valley girl (well, a Midwestern valley girl—so basically, Sarah Palin :/)

6. In education

7. That people are basically good

8. In feminism

9. In you (awwwww!!!!)

10. In me (homage to John Lennon. But also true. And going out on a positive, yay!)

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